{Here I Am Lord- A MESS}

Looking into the mirror, or flipping the front camera on, I look into it. Is this really me anymore? Why do I look different? My outside features haven’t changed much, yet somehow when I look directly at myself- I know that isn’t me.

(An open letter to our Lord)

Hi Lord, Here I am. A MESS. I have so many emotions and feelings that they make make emotionless, and I can’t feel a thing. Numb from the very thing they are. My tears now outnumber smiles, my countenance is turned to grey. The lies I hear are load and demanding. At times I am scared to not believe and obey them. What used to be filled with praise to You is now filled with endless shame.

Why did they come?

What did I do?

How have I sinned?

I am broken in this silence. Alone, unsure what to do. My thoughts are full and never ending. They consume me to the point I don’t want to go on any further.

Where did the peace go?

What am I doing wrong?

Am I unrighteous?

The lies tell me I am worthless and a burden, a nuisance to everyone around me. I never wanted to be in this pit, yet somehow I am here.

Love, Your Child.

Has anyone ever felt these emotions? Has anyone felt a dark sadness that isn’t just tears anymore, but actual pain? I know I have, and in this world today, I know many have. We live in a world that hates to face reality. Yet- reality is screaming to be heard. If we don’t confront these painful feelings and lies, they start ruling us. Soon our smiles will be frowns, and the frowns with grow deeper and deeper. This does NOT have to be the case. We have Jesus Christ who IS NONE of these things. One amazing thing that I can share with you out of this, is that there is a CURE. Yep, a CURE from the heartache, depression, suicidal thoughts, hopelessness, fake-ness, confusion, and pain. That is something we don’t hear in our world today. Barley anything has a “real” cure. There is one though, that covers it all. And His name is: Jesus. 

(An open letter to our Lord)

Hi Lord, here I am.-A MESS. I have so many emotions and feelings, but I know YOU are in control of them all. At times they are overwhelming, but I will given them to YOU. YOU are the bringer of joy and the joy of my days. YOU turn my sadness into joy and my mourning into dancing! YOU collect all my tears in YOUR bottle. YOUR countenance will radiate on me. I will choose to confront the lies with YOUR truth, and walk by YOUR way. They want me to go against YOUR ways so bad- but I will not be afraid, for YOU are with me. No weapon formed against me shall prosper! YOU say that I will not remember the shame of my youth.

I don’t have to always know why the lies came, but I can know who has authority over them.

Sometimes it may have been nothing I have done, but I have to trust YOU through it.

Show me Lord, any of my sinful ways. And forgive me for believing the lies.

Even when I don’t hear YOU, I will choose to remain steadfast. I don’t know what to do, but my eyes are on YOU. I will still my thoughts so I can hear YOU. There is hope and everlasting life in YOU.

When I can’t feel peace, I will search for YOU!

The enemy tells me I am always doing something wrong, I will listen for YOU, and believe that I am enough in YOU!

I will declare YOUR truth that I am a new creation! The old has gone, the new has come!

YOUR truth says I am fearfully and wonderfully made with a purpose. I am a witness to those around me.  YOU are the one who rescued me out of this pit, and ALL GLORY GOES TO YOU!

Love, Your Child.

” Do not fear for you will not be ashamed; neither be disgraced, for you will not be put to shame; for you will forget the shame of your youth, and will not remember the reproach of your widowhood anymore.”- Isaiah 54:4

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new”- 2 Corinthians 5:17

 

Year One:DONE! (personal post)

WELL, I can officially say that i have competed my first year of College! Many of you know, I took a huge leap of faith (still dealing with the butterflies) and followed where I felt God calling me: Northern California! This year has most definitely been UP and DOWN-forsure. Dealing with food allergies, chronic illness, and… well, being a major homebody gets REAL when you decide to move 2,000+ miles! Despite all the tears and hardness, I sure had fun and learned A LOT! I still look back in awe of one testimony that God has fulfilled while being here. Growing up I felt that a lot of people didn’t believe in me, or think i could go to college because I was homeschooled. I know some people had there speculations, and it really effected that way i thought. I believed I could NEVER do college. Like seriously. never. I remember being scared to death as I tried to let the reality sink in: I AM going to college. Now, I look back… 2 semesters behind me, and I can say that whatever lies you are feeling and letting define you- LET GO! Run after where God is calling you! I not only completed my first year of college away from home- but also got on the Deans List! Only God gets the glory for that! He turns our can’ts into CANS!!

SO, I wanted to write a post that highlighted all my favorite weekend adventures while I was here! (and share some pictures because… you know how much i love pictures! :))

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Here is the first time we all made it to Redding. My dad drove us in record time! Personally, all i really remember is being nervous and uncomfortable! I think my dad just wanted to see how fast he could get us there!

Me on the peak of Lassen!

My first hike out in Cali!! LASSEN NATIONAL PARK! What an amazing place! We hiked up to watch the sun set! It was the day before the lunar eclipse I believe, so it was AMAZING!

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CASTLE CRAIGS! This was the first time this place stole my heart! Those of you eyeing up Northern California- This place is a must!! This is where my true adventuring started with the Outdoor Club. I remember I almost chickened out because I was scared that if i didn’t spent most of my day studying i might fail. I realized that I NEED time away and to breath to stay sane! 🙂

Brandy Creek Falls

This was the beginning to the first 4day weekend! Me and a friend went to WhiskeyTown Falls, Brandy Creek! Such a fun little hike!

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Burney Falls with some of best friends I have made here. This too is a spot to check out! God’s creation blows me away! 

MASSACURE FLATS! I will always remember how this went from a hike into an adventure! I also saw my first rattle snake here!

This right here was one of my favorite highlights of my time here so far! I have grown a huge love for rock climbing and it was so amazing to do it on real rock! (Also, These pictures were taken by the AMAZING Anni Graham! http://www.annihasacamera.com )

Another great adventure- but this time with my favorite Redding friends! Shout out to Eric, Kristen, and Chris! 

HOT SPRINGS! Still amazed by these! God-made hot tubs! Again with my Redding buddies!

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We got to cinder cone after an epic (slippery) car ride- and found it COVERED in snow! It made for a cold , but worth it hike!

Back with the best brother ever!

Nothing was better than getting to see my family again after being away from them the longest i have ever been! Here we are at Shasta Caverns! 

And back to show my parents Burney Falls. One of the best Thanksgiving Days I have ever had! (even if we just had sandwiches and snacks!) 

Living life of the edge! 😉

One of my favorite memories with my parents out here! 

Annnddd back and WhiskeyTown!

Back to that adventure grind, I mean school grind. (again, pictures by the amazing Anni!)

SNOWMAN

Spent the weekend before finals in the snow- much needed!

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*INSERT CHRISTMAS BREAK HERE*

I was so thankful to have been able to go home for Christmas! 

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Visited the awesome Mossbrae Falls and Hedge Creek again!

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I LOVED seeing the FUZZY trees and Whiskey Town Falls!

Another hike to Brandy Creek. Even if you have gone to the same place before- there never fails to be a new adventure! 

Some more snowshoe adventures at MOUNT SHASTA! I remember looking back at this day and remembering how FUNNNN it was! (Photo cred: Anni Graham)

Great view at the top of Chamise Peak!

Whiskey Town adventures with the beautiful Emmie!

One dream of mine was to ski on a actual mountain (sorry spirit mountain). I was more than thrilled when my friend asked me to tag along at Mount Shasta Ski Park!

Nothing is cooler than a water fall that falls into a lagoon, AND you can only see this during a few of the winter months! Hence the name  Phantom Falls! (Right pic by: Anni Graham)

Back at the beautiful Phantom Falls! Even in the rain it is beautiful! The cows that day were entertaining too!

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This was a big-intense trip for my Mountaineering class! WOW!! The experience was once in a life time and so fun! MOUNT DILLARD (Top Right: Anni Graham)

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*INSERT SPRING BREAK*

It was such a blessing, and much needed time at home during Spring Break!

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Right when I got back, I headed out on another class trip to Massacre Flats! Pretty fun place to take some tests! 

And Last weekend before finals:LAKE DAY!!!

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Looking back at some of my favorite images of the adventures i have been on reminds me just how faithful and fun our God is! These images kind of paint a pretty picture- don’t them them fool you! I am BEYOND thankful for these awesome experiences. But life still happens and it gets hard! So thankful to have a God we can trust fully!!

{History with God}

I have had a hard time getting myself to type something here. Yes, God has been speaking and moving… Plenty of blog-worthy stories.

But,

Something is keeping me from sharing, because the truth is… Most of the time I feel

pain.

It’t that gut wrenching pain, that pain that causes your whole body to cry and weep. My eyes behind doors are never dry. The loneliness is so strong. Being with people only makes it hurt more.

The lies that kill, that tell you that you are a nobody. Maybe something is horribly wrong with you. You really shouldn’t be sick. People are ignoring you for a good reason.

pain

inside, outside: pain.

The one thing that keeps this pain from totally destroying is one thing.

history with God

Because of this history with my Lord. Pain I still feel, but it no longer can kill me.

I sometimes don’t feel like i believe it at all- but my heart and soul does. It knows all the God has done. It knows that truth- that God loves  me.

When was the last time God was shaken? -never

Why then do I feel so shaken?

When was the last time God felt fear?- never

Why then do I feel so fearful?

When does God ever tell us we are worthless?- never

Why then am I believing that I am worthless?

Pain is real. And it is ok to not be ok. The only thing that isn’t ok, is when we choose to let our feelings (that aren’t from God) speak loader than what the Lord says. History with God is what helps our soul from totally slipping into the lies. It is never too late to not have a History with God. Most people actually have more of a history then they even are aware of. Just start looking back to the very time you were born. You were born here with a purpose. God never looses that reason for choosing to put you on this earth. From the first formations of you in His hand- even the idea of you- was with a exact purpose. As we grow up, people and situations can cause us to feel pain so crippling, but God’s purpose for your life STILL PREVAILS!!

When we cry  from that low spot of pain, and proclaim that we have purpose from God- is one of the most powerful defenses on this earth!

” This is the word of the Lord to Zerubbabel: Not by might,nor by power,but by my Spirit, says the Lord of hosts”- Zechariah 4:6

“As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today.”- Genesis 50:20

 

 

{His Right Time}

ok- so I don’t know much about basketball, but the LORD gave me an example that involved the sport basketball. (so please excuse me if i get terms wrong)

~ As we pray and pray for our Promises to come, we often wonder why the LORD would hold off so long… Why won’t He just give it now? We can start to feel as if maybe it is our fault they aren’t coming, or even God is too busy for me right now. Sometimes the Lord shows us something that needs to be changed or repented from before He gives us the promise… but how about for those times we are just waiting? wondering where God is in all this? Why His timing is like it is?- This place can be so tough. As believers we can hang onto His word and who we know He is in times like these. We need to remember we are NEVER forgotten, He is NOT to busy for us… and His timing is ALWAYS the best. Whether we can possibly try to imagine that or not.

So you are probably wondering where all the basketball reference is right? Well, as I was praying from this spot; a spot of knowing who God was, who He is, but wondering why He is choosing to wait rather than give it right now. He showed me how like in the game of basketball… to get a pass the person has to be open. Not only that, but it has to be CLEAR for the ball to get to the other teammate! How foolish would it be if someone decided to pass when the way wasn’t clear even though the person was open. Sometimes we say “GOD, GOD! I AM OPEN!!! PASS ME MY PROMISE!!! I AM READY!!!” When really, we can’t see that if God were to pass us our promise it would be blocked and not make it straight to us. If we were to wait soon a open pass that is perfect will come along! It may seem like a hard wait, and hard play tell that moment, but it is so worth the perfect catch. When the time eventually comes where we are open and the way is clear we may have just ran out of a hard play, or people might be running down the court towards us, but the LORD knows the best time.

We have to decide to stand firm in who we know God is, and what He is like. (if you don’t know, dig into scripture, find a friend who is a follower to pray/talk with you) It is something great to decide to walk in the trust where we know that the LORD sees the court wayyy better than we do. He knows when we are open and the way is clear! He will never give you your promise when you aren’t open, or when it could be blocked. He knows the best time!

” For still the vision is yet for an appointed time; but at the end it will speak, and it will not lie. Though it tarries, wait for it; because it will surely come, It will not terry. “- Habakkuk 2:3

“He has made everything beautiful in its time, also He has put eternity into their hearts, except that no one can find out the work that God does from begging to end. ” Ecclesiastes 3:11

 

{Pressing In Deeper}

This is just a testimonial that I felt like I should share. I pray that the Holy Spirit uses this to encourage and speak to you.

So, I was on a run. (I love to run) When all of a sudden I had a terrible pain in my left shoulder blade. I usually can tolerate pain pretty well, but this hurt! It almost felt like it was one of those intense annoying side aches you get if you just ate and do something a bit to strenuous. So- I was running, when this intense pain started coming I did what I have always done, and that is pray. Usually if the pain doesn’t seem to go away it can cause discouragement to come… (anyone else been there?) it may even cause us to wonder… God are you there? Yeah, some of you may have been thinking…”you were running, why don’t you stop and lay down or something” well, I knew that God was teaching me something. After I prayed and brought out the charismatic side and laid hands on myself, (yes, while i was running- it probably was quite a sight but pretty normal to me) but nothing happened- I felt the Lord wanting to show me and teach me things through this that is later going to help me in the bigger problems or decisions. So I started realizing I had to start with the core- could this pain be a warning? Was it because I shouldn’t be doing something? I started pressing into prayer. It was clear that my run was a blessing and that this was not happening as a warning that I needed to stop, however, He had other plans to teach me. He showed me how once I find that core answer- I can stand on it. Make it concrete beneath my feet. I prayed and I know that God is ok with this run- so I can let that wonder or quilt go- or in other words, I can stop listening to those “what if” “but if” demons. After finding my solid ground and a firm truth- I started praising and declaring who He is. I started singing how He is the healer and Lord over all. I sang this in that peace and solid ground I found. The pain started to calmly disappear and go away tell there was nothing. What shocked me- was by following the teachings of the Holy Spirit in the moment I was able to avoid the frustration, and experience His healing in a process of working with Him and in peace.

What I learned and want to share with you, is to not be discouraged if something you pray for doesn’t happen right away. Now, yes, your “thing” you are praying about may be a lot more serious and bigger than this shoulder pain I experienced- but that is not the point. The point is God wanted to teach through that. Don’t be discouraged if He doesn’t answer immediately. It doesn’t mean He is not there, or doesn’t care, or even that He is too busy to deal with your problem right now. The truth is He cares about you so much more. Some of the time God choses to wait or answer through a process because God wants a deeper relationship. Now, I am all for supernatural -on the spot- immediate healing and answers. But I am just saying, maybe why you aren’t getting that, is because He wants this answer to come through a deeper relationship. I had to press into God, ask Him, find out what was the truth I could stand on, and declare then who He was- then the answer came. And now I have the answer, but also an encounter and deeper relationship through it.

“… Lord, teach us to pray, as John also taught his disciples.” – Luke 11:…1

“But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all things that I have said to you.”- John 14:26

 

{Rain}

The Lord has for His people new perspectives on what we thought we knew about “things”. On areas we thought were associated with these “things” or, on what we think only comes from this “thing”.

As I was on my run today back in California, I noticed how the land that I run by has changed and looked different from before I went home for Christmas break. In those 3 short weeks Redding CA. has gotten a lot of rain. The Holy Spirit started to speak to me and show me new perspectives on these “things”- in this case- the rain.

What I first noticed was different was how much cleaner everything looked! It looked as in something was cleaned through, or totally scrubbed up and made neat and tidy. I began to think of the “things” we associate with the rain. A lot of times I think of mud, puddles, loose ground, dark skies, and the list could go on. I am a Minnesotan so all my life I have never really experienced a drought before. Yes, we have had dry times, but our dry times are nothing compared to California’s droughts. So for me- I associated rain a lot with those images and feelings.

This is what I feel the Lord is going to bring His people in 2016. He wants to bring new perspective to “things” and change what you think or associate with them.

What He showed me through the rain was how I may have grown up with feelings about it making messes and at times creating problems- which it can, I mean it is rain. But He also showed me how rain to Him, sometimes means cleansing. A picking up. Washing new. It may seem like a storm or messy- or you may see the rain coming and associate with these “things”. But in reality God is doing something NEW. He is going to use the rain in a whole new perspective to wash you totally clean. So that when people see you again they notice a difference!

I believe God is going to reveal these new perspectives in His people in far more than just the rain. I want to encourage you with 2 things:

1. Be aware of what “things” He is showing you new perspectives and teaching you new ways about them?
2. If you are in a storm, or see a storm about to come at you- don’t fear. I feel this is a word for somebody that it is not going to be like past thoughts or feelings about it. But He is bringing it to cleanse you, clean you, and wash you. So much so that people are going to notice a difference about you.

“For the earth that drinks in the rain that often comes upon it, and bears herbs useful for those by whom it is cultivated, receives blessings from God;”- Hebrews 6:7

“Then Jesus put His hand and touched him saying ‘I am willing; be cleansed.’ Immediately his leprosy was cleansed.”- Matthew 8:3

{NEW}

New- When people think of the word “new” usually it brings a smile, feelings of freshness, and good things to come. “New” is all of those. New can be a very good thing. God knows when we are in need of freshness, and in His very word it says how He makes all things NEW.

I realized most peoples impressions of new is a good impression. I agree with that. I think all “new” is usually good- especially associated with God and His will. However, I am in a season of a lot of new. I am learning a new side to “new” in God’s eyes.

About 4 months ago I took one of the biggest leaps of faith I have ever done- followed the call of God to Redding California. One way to know if the Holy Spirit really lead you somewhere is seeing Him do things that you didn’t think could/ever do. When you are a homebody, homeschooler, and one who never wanted to leave her small town and actually said “yes”. Not only that but also followed through with this calling… shows just how much we can do through Him who gives us strength.

This season of my life has honestly been so hard. I have gone through desert times in the past- but in what i am experiencing in this season, I have never heard God so quiet to me before. As I am processing this season and all of the struggles that I am faced with… like extreme homesickness, dealing with my food allergies in a foreign place, and having to make decisions and take care of myself. I am coming to the term that God has me in a “new” season. It isn’t bad- it is good. All “new” is good in Him. This is a season where “new” looks different. I feel as though I am facing past lessons that He has already taught me through- but what is it sooo hard this time around? How come the answers that worked last time aren’t for this time around? Well, because it is “new”. This is a time of “new” ways to look at things- “new” ways He is going to speak and reveal to me- “new” ways I am going to see Him move in my life.

This is just a confirmation in what I believe about God- That He is SO vast and we could never stop discovering more about His great being. He is never done teaching us. Even if we have learned the lesson He might want to take you there again but this time- show you a different angle of it.

Anyone who feels like they have learned whatever they are going through, or have been in this same place before- know that maybe God is doing something “new” It can be easy to get frustrated… I mean, come on- I should know how to get through this… But God wants to show you a “new” perspective. A new side to Him that is even more deeper and great that we thought!! And remember- I feel this is a word for someone today-

“New” in God and His will is always GOOD!! No matter how hard, how frustrating it may seem, He is having you go through it for GOOD!! Your testimony will be built and be a shining light to those in darkness. Pray and ask God what “new” ways He wants you to look at things.

 

“Then He who sat on the throne said”Behold. I make all things NEW.” And He said to me “write, for these words are true and faithful” -Revelations 21:5

 

HURRAY!!! (personal post)

Hurray!! SO, i am so happy to be typing this right now! So sorry that it has been so long since my last posting, for a while there I was not able to figure out what happened to my wordpress account! I am back now!

 

As you all know, I have now been in California for over 4 months now! It has been no less than a journey and an adventure! I have been able to experience things here that I never could have in Minnesota. Don’t let that fool you though, I am VERY ready to get to my home! MINNESOTA!!

 

It feels so good to be writing for fun again… instead of writing essay after essay! (also I am able to use ellipsis…) So if my grammar in my blogs ain’t quite up to par… it is probably me letting go of all the “college ways of writing” and being free to type away! (kinda scary)

 

I thought before I finish this blog post… I might throw in 10 updates on my life since moving out here and starting college!

1. I am now Majoring in Outdoor Leadership. I was always drawn to this major but thought it as “to good to be true”.
2. I have fortunately been able to go on MANY adventures, all the way from hiking mountains, swimming in hot springs, playing in the snow, and rock climbing!
3. I am extremely homesick and still love Minnesota (if not more now)
4. I think this is the warmest December I have felt.
5. People here don’t say “baaaag”
6. Since moving here I have grown so much in my independence.
7. I am still a fitness, natural, health nut!
8. It is a VERY exciting thing here when it rains!
9. I have been able to do well at things I NEVER thought I could.
10. I have been learning how  all of my normal surroundings that I have know forever play such a big role in how I feel and function… But the Lord is showing me that I am where I am supposed to be wherever He leads me even if it feels extremely wrong and strange at times.

{In the Midst}

Midst of change

Midst of change You are faithful

Midst of change You are able

Midst of change You hold me through

Sometimes it may sound silly, but we need to be repetitively going over and reminding ourselves of who He is, what He does, in whatever season we may be facing.

Midst of loss

Midst of loss You comfort me

Midst of loss You understand

Midst of loss You are hope

Midst of joy

Midst of joy it comes from You

Midst of joy You celebrate

Midst of joy You rejoice with me

Reminding ourselves that our Savior is for us, brings us that hope, peace, and purpose in any “midst” we are in. It may be easy to fall into looking at all of the hardness and failing to see Him in the midst, or even in circumstances that cause us to over look all He has done and skip to see that He IS in the midst there too.

PRAISE BE TO JESUS WHO IS ALWAY IN OUR MIDST!

– “God is in the midst of her, she shall not be moved; God shall help her, just at the break of dawn”- Psalm 46:5

-” The Lord is righteous in her midst, He will not do unrighteousness. Every morning He brings justice to light; He never fails. But the unjust knows no shame. ” Zephaniah 3:5

-” The Lord your God is in your midst, the Mighty One will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.”- Zephaniah 3:17 

{Personal Post #1 Counting Down}

Here is an overview on what the Lord impressed in my heart to share as the days counted down for me to go and step out on this journey! To Him be all the Glory!

* 10 days until departure* You become so thankful for your everyday things that soon I won’t be able to see in my day to day life. You realize just how beautiful your laundry room is, or how much you will miss your toilet (because everyone knows that your own toilet at home is always 10x more comfortable…). The missing people has already had it’s full effect happening. If anyone knows how goodbyes can be more of the “good” part and less of the “bye” part, let me know! 😉 There is a lot of emotions,thankfulness, realizations, that take place when moving and taking a big step. Yet I am SO excited and ready for this journey the Lord is leading me on! 🙂

*9 days until heading out* Excitement, wondering, anticipating, and goodbyes. All can either be expressed in an unglody, unhealthy way (yeah even excitement), or in a Godly, healthy way. Thankful that yes,even though when goodbyes and see you laters are tough, my Jesus is what I stand fast in! I am so excited for all He has planned, and thankful for each person of support He has placed in my life! So then goodbyes can be “I’m SO excited for you!” “I am praying for you!” “God is gonna do so much!”. “Watch stand fast in the faith, be brave, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love.” – 1cor. 16:13

*8 days before hitting the road* I don’t like making a big deal our of things or making things dramatic, but I do like savoring every second that the Lord has given! We all have a story written out by Him! It is a fun up and down twisty journey, but with Him it is a best seller like my mom says! 🙂

*One week away* Counting down has it’s plus and minuses, it really ramps you up in excitement, anticipation, and joy! Yet it can also allow worry, stress and anxiety to creep in. How amazing is it that we have a God who speaks to us, hears us, and NEVER leaves us. He is my solid ground. As often as I have written about trusting the Lord in this, and all the GREAT things Has done, His promises, and the excitement in this. I am still human… Sometimes I even feel like a failure of a human. I give into stress, I don’t trust God at all sometimes, and I worry and let the enemies lies effect me to the point of being emotionally exhausted, confused, and physically sick. I feel like being a little more transparent tonight. I don’t live in a perfect life that here on Facebook it paints sometimes. The truth is, I am human. Saved by the One who paid it all. I falter in trust in the One. Yet He still rescues me… and saves me. Shows me that I am not horrible, reminds me who I am in Him. There is never a time that I don’t come running back to Him! Say that I am sorry for letting my eyes not stay fixed on Him and what He has said. He brings me right back to the Truth, where I was, and where I belong. He’s amazing like that. This journey is going to be absolutely amazing!!! Yes, it’s going to have its tough times… but look who is leading me???!! I LOVE being on this adventure already and Him leading me to new places! He never fails! And when I am weak He is strong! His word says it over and over! And you can take that to the bank!

*6 days left at home*  It’s days like this where we just have to dig and holdfast to the trust that we have in our God. Sometimes He doesn’t give us the answers we feel we need to find peace, because we simply need to find it in Him. Trusting He will provide, take care, and keep. All we simply need is to be in Him. When stuff feels shaken it always goes back to that simple, truthful, solid ground. Jesus.

*Count down reads 5 days* Today turned into a praiseworthy day!! Some major prayer requests and important things that I honestly was loosing hope on was answered. All I know is that I was reminded that the peace isn’t found in the answer we are praying about, or the prayer request we need a answer to… but thee Answerer Himself. He brings peace. He brings the answers. Also reminded that it all goes back to simply seeking first Him. When we focus solely on God- He works in wonders. This verse is true… He blows our mind, and His answer is usually 10x better than our made up one in our head. He gave me this verse and it has remained  a steady rock and go-to thus far on this journey: ” But seek first the Kingdom of God and His Righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you!”- Matthew 6:33

*We hop in the car in quarto days* Prayer. Let me tell you. Prayer and lots and lots of it in this decision. I am not  sure how long I will be in Redding, or even all that God has for me as I go. I am willing to trust His timing to the best of my ability. So thankful for all the prayer and support I have gotten in this. So thankful beyond all get out for my parents. From even before I was born praying for God’s will upon my life. They have prayed me through all the way up to this point. Some things they taught were hard, but the fruit produced was far greater. They have encouraged me to trust God and go on this adventure, yet say I always have home. Nothing I do no matter how long or how short is a failure. They constantly remind me to let guilt, shame, and fear go and fix my eyes on Jesus. So thankful for all the other people who have also supported me. Family, friends, (some friends I could consider family! ;)) and even some people I have yet to meet!!! Last but MOST important… I am thankful for God who is the One we pray to, the One who protects, equips, and cares so deeply for each one of His children. I am SO thankful that this isn’t just my god, or my religion that I am following… but I am following THEE one true God.

*3,2,1 blast off!!* (or so it seems!) I am 1005 convinced you can’t be fully ready for any huge step until you actually take it. My God has been preparing me though. He is checking off all that needs to be done. Sometimes I get stressed about all that i want done, or what needs to get done, but really when we surrender to God… let Him lead these last days home, He checks off all that needs to be checked off!! Still amazes me how are God is so real. He so cares and takes care… His checklist may look different then mine. But I know it is worth it to be surrendered to!:) AND I LOVE MY MOM!!!!!!

*2 days and we are off!* These last days seem super long, then super short, and jammed packed all in one somehow. I realized though, when we are following and seeking God, He never fails to keep us… And never fails to stop showing up. Emotions and feelings may be kinda crazy right now. But I have a God who brings Peace and chaos back into order. I am so thankful to be following Jesus, and for my parents to be following Jesus by letting me go! I am gonna be honest- it ant’t easy all the time. But it is SO worth it. This is savoring time with my family. I have always appreciated them and loved them deeply… but this enhanced it by 1 million how much they mean to me and how much I love them and miss them. I know it is going to be different! But God will only make our relationship stronger and better through it! There is no distance in the Spirit! He is remaining with us all!

*1 day we go* I am gonna start with praise… And end with praise! Because i have learned a lot of the time i make my worries, fears, and sadness known first when I go before God.( and my close family) so i am first gonna say… THANKYOU JESUS for EACH one of these people!!!! I am so blessed with the best family ever! I am gonna miss waking up and hearing my dad leave for work early, being able to talk to my mom in person whenever i need to, or play with my brother and have him give me information after information about animals and legos. It is going to be quite the adjustment. But man, am i thankful for their encouragement, support, and love!!  All in it for Jesus!

*0 reads the clock!* Well today is thee day we have been counting down for! We head off on this epic journey!! Feeling  many things right now, but this one thing I am certain of, or more… this one Person I am certain of! Jesus Christ will be with me wherever I go! He is my guide and leads and directs us all!! All e gotta do is allow Him, and be willing to walk with Him!

– ” but seek first the Kingdom of God and His Righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.”- Matthew 6:33

– ” Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”-Joshua 1:9